My Dearest J,
As dawn bathes Beaumaris in a warm embrace, a fervent spirit dances across the vibrant boulevards, swirling and intertwining with a tapestry woven with the golden threads of camaraderie and competition, that heralds the inception of the preparations for the legendary Great Bathtub Race.
Oh how the air buzzes with exhilaration, each heartbeat echoing the rhythmic hymns of unity and playful rivalry. All around me, the artisans and eager souls, many of whom are dab hands due to their tenure in bathroom renovations close to Beaumaris, are fuelled with fiery passion as they carve whimsical chariots from the bosom of their creative sanctuaries. I have beheld tubs with wings set to kiss the heavens, bathtubs adorned with the grandeur of peacock feathers, and even vessels that dare to bare their clownish grins, all competing for supremacy in this grandiloquent display.
The town square has transformed into a living canvas, a veritable kaleidoscope where the sublime and the ridiculous stand hand in hand, in a parade of dreams forged from chrome and porcelain. I found myself teasingly imagining the fantastic flotilla that Sandringham, guided possibly by the hands of the finest bathroom renovations specialists near Sandringham, would assemble to rival this spectacle.
As I tread amongst this vibrant tapestry of human endeavour, a delicate ballet of nostalgia gracefully unfolds within the theatre of my mind. It is as though I could hear the merry laughter that coloured our innocent days at the revered halls of our all-girls sanctuary in Black Rock, a sacred haven where our souls first entwined. Oh, how I long for the tender touch of yesteryears to cradle us once more, if only for a fleeting moment in the midst of this joyous rivalry.
Thus, my dear J, amidst this burgeoning fervour, where joyous clamour marries the harmonious chaos, I find myself entwined in a secret dance with you, a ballet of whispered secrets and the thrill of clandestine correspondence.
I pen off, my heart brimming with anticipation, entrusting this parchment with my deepest secrets, a treasure map guiding us through the labyrinth of affection that blooms in the garden of our hearts, a secret garden tended with the tenderness of affection that dares to whisper the forbidden.
Yours in secrecy and affection,
R
The man in the yellow vest scratched his stomach, eyebrow raised in disbelief at the state the house had been left in.
‘You saying your… son did this?’ he asked, incredulous.
‘Oh yes,’ the old lady smiled at him. ‘He’s such a lovely boy. Came in one day and told me that he had a lovely surprise for me.’
‘Ma’am,’ the contractor grunted, hand still nervously pressed against his belly. ‘He, uh… I don’t think he…’
‘What’s that, young man?’
He sighed. Deeply.
‘He ripped all the copper out of your walls,’ he relented. ‘Looks like he took most of your plumbing too…’
‘Oh, you mean my bath modifications? Sydney ran out of porcelain, he told me,’ she explained. ‘He’ll be around any day to finish the tiling.’
‘What tiling?’ the contractor threw his hands up. ‘There’s no tiling started!’
‘It’s on backorder!’ she insisted.
He pressed his palm into his forehead, physically aware of his blood pressure.
‘Alright,’ he said, after a moment. ‘The tiles are on backorder; sure. But what about the actual bath, lady?’
She glanced down at the shattered tub and smiled again – although her eyes had wild desperation, like something was trying to break through.
‘It’s just, uh… you know. It’s the newest trend in Sydney. You know for us old folks, not something that I would expect you to be aware of, young man.’
‘It’s a hole,’ he grunted. ‘There’s a hole in your bath tub, below what I would comfortably declare is the waterline.’
‘It’s trendy!’
‘It’s broken!’
‘It’s for my hip!’
He took another deep breath, hands wringing at his sides. ‘Look, I know what you’re talking about – there are companies around Sydney that do bathtub cut outs for elderly people. It’s a great idea, will definitely help you as you find it harder to move.’
She nodded, as if accepting an apology.
‘BUT THIS IS NOT IT, LADY!’
She jumped back, surprised, hand clutching at a naked thread around her neck. The man’s eyes narrow.
‘Ma’am,’ he said softly. ‘Tell me honestly – did that used to have pearls on it?’
When we moved into our home ten years ago, we moved in with the mindset that we were going to renovate once we were financially comfortable. Saving hasn’t always been easy as it’s something we’re doing on top of paying our mortgage. There have been a few hurdles on the way that have also made it hard to save. For example, there have been a few career changes and redundancies, but we’ve always successfully bounced back. In the last ten years we’ve also expanded our family with three new additions, plus a dog! While I don’t regret this expansion whatsoever, it did set us back in terms of saving. It’s amazing how much your spending priorities change once you have kids.
Now, after ten years in the making, we can say that we’re ready to contact a bathroom renovations company. Melbourne has a few highly recommended companies, but we know exactly who we want to go ahead with. I guess one huge benefit of us not being in a rush to renovate is the fact that we were able to do almost ten years worth of groundwork researching which renovators we wanted to work with, what look we wanted the bathroom to look like and what materials we wanted to use.
The project starts next Tuesday. We could not be more excited, but also stressed. There’s a lot of preparation that needs to happen before a renovation. For example, we need to clear out the entire bathroom and move the contents into our other bathroom. We’re lucky to have two bathrooms as it helps to make the bathroom refurbishment process a lot easier. I don’t know what we’d do if we only had one bathroom. I think we’d need to order one of those bathrooms you see at outdoor festivals. Gosh, it’d be so embarrassing having one of those in our yard! The only downside to this renovation is that having one bathroom means we’re all sharing one bathroom. This isn’t a problem as our children are young, but if it was myself my husband with teenagers? What a nightmare!