Hiking Foot Pain

‘Are you sure we don’t need to stop?’ James asked, nervously scratching underneath his beanie as he glanced down at my feet.

‘No, don’t be stupid,’ I grumbled. ‘I’m fine. Better than fine. I’m enjoying a lovely hike with my friend, why wouldn’t I be fine?’

‘Uh, I don’t know,’ he said, unconvinced. ‘It sounded like you hurt yourself pretty bad back there.’

‘I told you,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘I made that noise because I got a jolt, not because I’m in pain!’

‘The snapping noise?’

‘What?’

‘You made a snapping noise,’ he said. ‘Some part of your body did, at least.’

‘That’s absurd.’

‘I think it was your ankle,’ he nodded. ‘Actually, I’m just trying to be polite – dude, I one-hundred percent heard your ankle make a snapping sound.’

‘Well, it’s fine now!’ I cried out, waving my arms at him. ‘No need to rush me to a local podiatrist in Cheltenham!’

‘That’s a very specific thing for you to… not want me to do?’ he frowned. ‘I’m confused.’

‘Don’t be!’ I said, laughing. My soul momentarily left my body and I frowned at the tinges of mania I was feeling, before it was sucked back in and I forgot that I was worried. ‘Come on, let’s just finish this—yeowch!’

My foot had just lightly grazed a pebble, sending a bolt of unimaginable pain up my nervous system.

‘Jason, you’re clearly injured,’ James rolled his eyes. ‘Quite badly. Just sit down and let me call an ambulance.’

‘What?’ I laughed. ‘A helicopter?! Since when am I royalty!’

‘We’re like, three hundred metres down the trail,’ he frowned. ‘I think they might just carry you.’

‘Look,’ I said, quickly. ‘I’m feeling fine. Got my brand new hiking boots, got my adult orthotics to keep my arches supported – I even have a fun hiking stick I picked up before!’

‘Didn’t you pick it up because you were in too much agony to stand otherwise?’ James asked.

I smiled thinly at him, tempted to teach him a quick lesson about agony and hiking sticks.